Haircut

I am forever saying, "Oh I want to grow my hair out." It never fails, though, that after a while my growing hair starts to look shaggy and I get impatient and cut it off. This is exactly what happened a couple of days ago.

I was skyping with my fam online last week. Looking at my video chat window, I saw myself and came to an awful conclusion: I have the exact same haircut as Professor Snape from the Harry Potter movies. This, ladies and gentlemen, was my hair:


Clearly, something had to be done.

So, fast foward a few days. My friend, Caroline, is over at my place using my internet. After she finishes doing her thing I say, "You wanna do something fun?" She says, "Yes .... wait, what is it?" I grin (probably a bit maniacally) and say, "Let's cut my hair!"

Aaaand away we go to the bathroom. I give her my only pair of scissors, used for cutting paper, yarn, tape, and now hair. We wet down my hair and get to it. I select a chunk of hair and show with two fingers where I want her to cut. "I want it this short," I say. She gives me this are-you-absolutely-sure look and then cuts.

And, oh, folks! You should have seen the panic/terror on her face as the first big wet chunk of hair hit the tiled floor! Her face was hilarious. She was like, "I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe you letting me do this. This is going to end badly ..." A few more cuts later she murmurs, "This is not fun anymore. I'm going to mess up your hair and ..." mumble mumble mumble ... But I'm excited! This is fun! It's guerilla haircutting - you're in your bathroom and some masked figure jumps in, cuts your hair, and runs out. How fun is that?!

At the end, after all was said and blow-dried, it actually looked good. It's sort of a 1920's bob with a little bit of bangs swept to the side. Here's the only pic I got before my reluctant hairstylist demanded to take a break.


I'm quite pleased with it, actually. It looks good and I didn't have to go somewhere to get it done. Well done, Secret Hairstylist!

Knock-Knock ...

So, I was talking to my roommate today and the subject of telling jokes came up. I decided to really wow her with the few standard "knock-knock" jokes that I possess. Take this little gem, for example:

Knock-knock.
-Who's there?
Banana.
-Banana who?
Knock-knock.
-Who's there?
Banana.
-Banana who?!
Knock-knock.
-Who's THERE?!
Orange.
- .... Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?!

... and everybody laughs because it's a lame pun. However, my roommate speaks basically no English and doesn't know what a knock-knock joke is, so before I even got started I had to explain the form. Like so:

ME: See, I say "knock-knock", and you ask "who's there?", then I say (some answer), and you say "(some answer) who?", and then I say something funny.
ROOMIE: But why would I say "(some answer) who?" You just told me who it was.
ME: Well .... uhm ... you just have to. For the joke.
ROOMIE: *not understanding face*
ME: just say it.

So I tried the banana joke and after the first "banana who?" I could see she had no more patience, so I rushed to the "orange you glad" punch line. What I didn't count on was that my lame pun does not translate into German, at least not without a fifteen word explanation. So what came out as my punchline was "ORANGE - which means 'orange' in German but sounds very similar to our English word for 'are not' - you glad I didn't say banana again?! Waka waka waka! ..... It's FUNNY!!" Fail. She did not understand. So I tried this one:

Knock-Knock.
-Who's there?
Impatient cow?
-Impatient co--
MOO!!

That stuff is hilarious. But I told her the joke and it went more like this:

Knock-knock.
-Who is there?
Impatient cow (which I poorly translate into German).
-*laughter*
No, that's not the joke.
-But the cow is impatient and knocking on the door. It will not wait for me to answer.
Uhm, yes .... that was the punchline.

Are there no knock-knock jokes in the German language? Or maybe there are, and I just chose some very un-funny English ones. Maybe my delivery was off. Who knows? But the entire situation was an example of two cultures meeting, awkwardly attempting to understand one another, and then finally just giving up and parting ways. Orange you glad I told you that story?

Eintracht Braunschweig!

Hello, lovely readers! Long time no write, I know. But I'm here to correct that with a special edition of ...

Things I Did For The First Time In Germany!

This edition: my first soccer game, or football match as I've been told by at least one English person to call it. It actually wasn't the first game I've ever seen in Germany; that honor goes to a Hannover vs. FC Bayern game I saw in Hannover in a beer garden just outside the stadium. But this game was the first one that I've ever seen live in Germany (actually, I think it's the first pro match I've seen live EVER).

Our team name is Eintracht Braunschweig. Eintracht means something like harmony or unity, so it's kind of like saying Braunschweig United. We're not THE best team out there by any means, but it turns out we're better than VFB Stuttgart, who we played the night I went. The score was 2 - 0 in favor of Braunschweig, but the score wasn't the important thing. The important thing was the fans.

I didn't know what to expect from German soccer fans, but I know now: a mass of people of all ages, decked out in obscene amounts of blue and yellow fan gear, waving scarves, beer glasses, and anything else handy as they scream team chants and fight songs for 90 minutes straight in a standing-room-only section of the stadium. There was a big drum keeping the beat, a guy with a megaphone leading the chants, GIANT flags being waved all around, and just a general buzz of excitement and energy. And oh, there was excitement! Any time the ball got anywhere near the goal, everyone around me screamed and cheered so loud that I think I went deaf. People were waving their beers around and in some cases just flinging the contents up in the air. I know this because I was personally sloshed with this alcoholic airborn team spirit twice during the game. Caroline and I kept hold of our beers, though. Those things cost three euros each, man. That stuff's precious. Liquid gold.

So, the game was good. I really enjoyed myself and can't wait for the next game. If you'd like to see pics from the game, check them out here. Also, enjoy this brief clip from the game. It's mostly just a look around at the fans, Caroline, and me, but that's mostly what I remember about the game anyway, so enjoy!