Well, there you have it.

I have survived Germany.

I came back to the States and spent a few days reconnecting with old friends and family. Then I searched for a month and finally found a job. However, I am still broke. I still like bread rolls for breakfast. I miss walking everywhere. But I love the heat.

I am home.

Notes from my laptop on the day I left Germany

I’m writing this from the Köln/Bonn Airport at 3:30 in the morning on Saturday, June 27th. I’m sitting here in Terminal 1, waiting for the check-in on my flight to open up so I can see if my baggage is overweight or not. The place is surprisingly busy for it being so late/early: there is a sweet-looking old man sleeping in the seats to my left, a couple chatting amicably in German to my right, and a steady stream of travelers dragging luggage in every direction. It’s warm and muggy and the ice-cream vending machine is making a pleasant humming noise.

I woke up at noon today and finished what little business I had left to take care of, then went out and had a coffee with my friend. We sat outside a café and watched the weather go from sunny to pouring buckets of rain and then back to sunny in the span of an hour and a half. It was kind of sad to have that last little time together, but I’m positive I’ll see her again so it wasn’t as depressing as it would otherwise have been. Then I took a little tram back home and watched out the window as all of my usual sights went by for the last (at least, the last for now) time. Oh, goodbye, good Italian restaurant! Goodbye shopping mall that looked like a ducal palace! Goodbye crazy homeless man fishing for beer bottles in the trash can! Goodbye old woman talking to me on the tram about the weather!

Then it was home for one last coffee with my roomie and her daughter (who, I guess, is also my roomie. But I always refer to her as my roomie’s daughter ...). They said they weren’t letting me leave and were going to tie me to a chair and keep me there. I laughed. Then they actually tied me to a chair. But it was a rolling desk-chair, so I got rolled around the apartment for a fun while (video to follow). They helped me carry my copious amounts of baggage to the train station, said goodbye, and even ran after the train waving handkerchiefs as it left the station. Seriously. I love my little German family.

After that was a long string of trains: Braunschweig to Bielefeld (two hours and a cute, polite German guy helping me with my luggage), Bielefeld to Hamm (about an hour and a good-smelling Iraqi guy helping me with my luggage), and Hamm to Köln Hauptbahnhof (shoulda been an hour and a half, but the train was delayed an extra half hour. Also, no help with luggage and a drunken German ogled me for most of the trip, and then asked me if I was single.). After that I took yet another train to the airport. And now here I am. I have listened to all the music I care to listen to, played all the solitaire I care to play, and even grown bored of all the amusements my computer has to offer. I’m tired, but I don’t want to sleep for fear of 1) someone messing with my luggage and/or 2) missing my check-in. So I’m trying to keep myself awake by typing and thinking about my time in Germany. Am I excited to be leaving? Yes. But not 100% excited. By that I mean, I think it’s great that I’m going home but I also think it’s sad that I have to leave a place where I’ve spent such an important time in my life. There’s a little melancholy center to my delicious going-home-ness.

Also, my skin is oily as heck and my make-up has come off. That’s annoying.

'Cause I've Seen Blue Skies

Here we go, sweet babies! I'm a-leavin' the country. I get on a train at 7:20 p.m. tonight and walk, ride, fly, and drive for about 31 hours after that until I finally reach OKC at 7:06 p.m. local time. For those of you that have interest, I'm coming in on United Airlines UA7395 Washington Dulles of Will Rogers.

Everything is packed and ready to go. Has been for almost two days. It's totally unlike my trip from Oklahoma here, which was chaotic and emotionally-charged up until the second I got on the plane. This build up, on the other hand, has been calm and sorta lonely, like cleaning up alone after a rockin' house party. Don't get me wrong; I'm excited to go home. Most excited. It's just a melancholy feeling, leaving some place where I've spent such a memorable time. I woke up with a desire to listen to nostalgic / leaving / going home songs, so that what I've been finishing packing to. Here's a couple for you too:

John Denver - "Country Roads"
Tim Curry (Rocky Horror Picture Show) - "I'm Going Home"
Three Dog Night - "Never Been To Heaven"
John Denver - "Leaving On A Jet Plane"

The Kindness Of Strangers

So, as you all may know, I am pretty constantly broke here. I was especially so this month thanks to a lot of traveling and as of last Thursday I had about eight euros to my name. That was eight euros for food, for incidental travel costs on my way to the airport, and for paying the rest of my rent. If I got to the airport and my bags were overweight, I would just have to throw things away. Eight euros.

A colleague of mine, Mrs. Paul, asked me if I wanted to come on a field trip with her class that coming Tuesday. They were going somewhere cool, some museum, but the cost per person was twenty euros. I felt so embarrassed when I had to tell her that I would love to, but that I didn't have the money for it. She said, "Well, what about ten euros? I could pay the other ten." I had to tell her that I didn't even have ten euros. I was incredibly embarrassed and kind of ashamed, standing there in the teacher's lounge and saying, "Nope, sorry. I have no money." I hate saying this because then people say, "Well, I'll loan it to you." But if I'm already this broke, I don't want to spend money that I haven't even made yet (which is what a loan is, essentially) on fun stuff. My thought is, if I can't afford to feed myself, I certainly can't afford to go on a field trip.

People also sometimes say, "We'll I'll just give you the money." But then if I take the money, I feel like I shouldn't do anything frivolous with it. Again, if I couldn't have afforded to feed myself without the gift, I feel like I shouldn't go wild with the money once I get it.

This whole rambling thing boils down to: I had eight euros to my name, and I had to tell Mrs. Paul that I couldn't afford to go on the field trip.

So, the next Monday I'm in Herr Preller's class and he pulls me aside. He asks me, "Do you need money?" And my mouth is popping open and shut like a fish out of water because I want to tell him, "YES! Yes I need money bad!" but I also (see above rambling) feel like I shouldn't take a loan or even a gift unless I was absolutely completely beyond broke. I mean, hey, I did still have eight euros.

Anyway, Herr Preller was like, "Here. You take this and you can pay me back when you get back to the States ..." and he shoves a wad of twenties into my hand. Twenties! Herr Preller gave me one hundred euros and said I could pay him back later!!! I was overjoyed but not speechless; in fact, my mouth was a motor running off "thank you thank you thank you I'll pay you right back thank you thank you thank you" at a mile a minute.

So, I paid the last of my rent, bought groceries, and I even have a twenty left over for incidentals on my way back to America. Thank you, thank you Herr Preller!

Corny Lesson Alert: Corny Life Lesson Ahead!

You know what? People keep asking me what I've learned or what I've gained during my time here. I often come up with very lame, cliched answers. But really? I've learned how to accept help from people.

I'm independent to a fault. I don't like not being able to do things for myself. I don't like having to ask other people and impress upon their kindness. That doesn't mean I mind the other way around; in fact, I love helping people and being able to do things for them. I'm just the kind of person who is much better at giving gifts than receiving them.

But my going away to Germany has meant, often times, that I must rely on other people. I literally could not have done this without you guys - Dad, Rachael, Mom, Marvin, Pete, Herr Preller, Biggi, Maya, Nadine, everyone who sent me a card or a e-mail or even just wrote on my wall, just ... just everyone! Without help, I would not have found a place to live here. I would have had no furniture, no bicycle, no jacket in winter. I would have gone hungry and not been able to pay my bills back home and I probably would have had to leave early because of that. My PDA would not have worked, I would have had a terrible Christmas, and most of all I would have been very, very lonely. So, I hated asking for help, but I finally came to a situation in my life where I had to ask for it. And I found that it's not wrong to need help. I don't like it, but I don't actively avoid it as much as I did before. So, uhm, thanks people. I love you guys. And I'll see you in a couple of days.

PS: I did go on a school field trip, btw. I went with an 8th grade class on a canoe tour of the Oker River, which runs through Braunschweig. You can see photos of it HERE.

H'appy Father's D'ay!

So, on Friday there was a little party for me in the Gauss Haus. Gauss Haus, for those that don't remember, is where I volunteer teach English to German grown-ups once a week. I also do occasional translations for city tours of Braunschweig there and participate in their "Cafe Litteraire" discussion groups. I'm, like, one of the team.

So, anyway, the group made this week's Cafe Litteraire about America so that we could have an excuse to talk about me and what I, as an American, think of Germany. It was also an opportunity for group members to ask me stuff about America. My favorite question of the night: "How hard would it be for me, as a foreigner, to get a girlfriend in America? And where would I go to meet American women?" This guy was planning it all out, I tell you.

Anyway, I had a lovely time. We all drank prosecco that was labelled "Braunschweig Prosecco" .... but with "from Italy" printed really tiny underneath. It's German wine! .... from Italy. Anyway, there was talking and laughing and snacking and ... *drum roll please* .... a surprise present! That's right, the Gauss Freunde got together and bought me a big tote bag with a painting of Braunschweig's sights on the side. It was really sweet. They even filled it with tourist information, maps of the city, stuff like that, so that I'd have touristy things to bring back. Oh, AND they gave me a certificate that says everything I've done as a member of Gauss Haus and that thanks me for being so awesome. How cool is that? It was a sweet, unexpected gesture at my little going-away party.

Also, today is Father's Day! I looked it up; that's the correct use of the apostrophe. If you have multiple fathers, please feel free to move the apostrophe to where ever you like. I, for example, am doing "Fathers' Day", but you could even do "Fathers D'ay" if you like, making it sort of like a French spelling of something. To my father- and stepfather-units: I sent you guys cards last week - didja get 'em? I'll call you today anyway. Much love! Happy Fathers D'ay!

On Sale Now

So, I've been all kinds of busy getting ready to leave. I've been buying train tickets, updating my resume, applying for jobs online, making doctors appointments stateside, and trying to sell all my junk. It's the last part that's the killer. See, originally I just had to sell my bed; other other stuff I possessed - a bike, a desk, a dresser, and other little things - belonged to a co-worker of mine. But when I asked her, "So, when d'you wanna come pick up your stuff?" She said, "Oh, no! That was a GIFT! It's yours now!"

.... Thanks. Now I have even more stuff to try and sell in a week. I mean, if we were in a program where teaching assistants came every year, then I could just leave this stuff for the next assistant. But it's not that way. I'm not living in a school-sponsored apartment, so when I leave, my stuff had better leave too.

I wish I could sell the stuff. Then maybe I could get some money, buy some of that - what's it called? Oh yeah, food ....

Cold Day In June

Today, the sun was shining and I went to work without even needing a jacket. Then, by the time I got home, it was hailing. There was hail in the middle of June. Then it was sunny. Now it's a torrential downpour and the wind is whipping the rain everywhere. I thought this was Germany, but with this weather maybe I'm in Okahoma already ...?