Faux-bias

So, I've been reading everything I can get my hands on lately. English books, German newspapers, backs of cereal boxes in Esperanto, you name it. One of the books I just finished is Modern Phobias: a litany of contemporary fears by Tim Lihoreau. It's a funny compilation of made-up fears. Some of them cracked me up and made me want to share them with you people. Here you go:

arcaphobia - fear of using the cashpoint / ATM towards the end of the month

Lihoreau writes "arcaphobia often developes during student years, when the cashpoint card is less a means to access money and more a trophy to bandy round as a symbol of adulthood ... ultimately, the only cure is to keep tabs on one's money -- which, for an arcaphobe, is akin to asking them to keep count of how many breaths they take each month ..." You see, it's not irresponsibility -- it's a condition!
{orig. der.: arca, strongbox or coffers}

novamundaphobia - fear of Americans

Being American and all, this one really made me laugh: "With a common image of modern America being the obese, non-passport-owning invader, the wartime line of 'overpaid, oversexes, and over here' has been replaced by the more recent 'overweight, over there, overthrow whoever'." The funny thing is that my non-American friends here really do keep making fun of the fact that very few Americans have passports. They have statistics memorized to aid them in poking fun at the non-travelling 90% of American. I mean, I knew we were getting made fun of for the obesity thing but c'mon guys, passports? Really? You're making fun of our lack of passports? The author continues: "To be fair, novamundaphobes fear this image more than the Americans themselves, who invariably turn out to be charming when encountered in the queue for the London Planetarium." Well, there you go then.
{orig. der.: novellus new; mundus world}

obsonophobia - fear of checkouts

This is not what you think it is. These people don't fear waiting to check out, getting in the slow checkout lane, or even being caught buying embarassing things. No, these people fear the SPEED at which you must check out. This is something I've only come across in Germany, where I've frequently had nervous breakdowns trying to pack up my own groceries "while the checkout person hurled fruit and veg at [me] as if [I] were in medieval stocks", which is how Lihoreau describes the fears of obsonophobes. What gives, Germans? What gives?! I miss the check-out boys and girls of America ... sigh ...
{orig. der.: obsonare to shop}

and finally ... oviphobia - fear of jumping on the bandwagon

Ladies and gentlemen, the reason why I've never read a Harry Potter book: Lihoreau writes "Ultimately, oviphobes become their own worst enemy. They have missed a certain boat - often through no fault of their own - and fear they would be seen as just jumping on the bandwagon were they to sign up now. For example, I know one person who missed the Harry Potter bandwagon. By the time she realized that Harry Potter was actually more than quite good, she was years into the whole Potter gravy train. Having previously said she found nothing in it, she couldn't all of a sudden say, 'Oh I do love the clever puns on names, you know ... Diagon Alley' and screech with laughter. She was late. She had missed the boat." This may also be the reason why I never read a book in the Twilight series. Sorry, but true.
{orig. der.: ovis sheep}

Right now I'm reading A Hedonist in the Cellar, a wine guide by Jay McInerney. I guess this means check back here next week for advice on what New World reds to drink with your favorite steak! Woo! Lookit me, gettin' my culture on ...