Funny Things My Students Have Said

I teach English to little Germans. The kids here start learning it in the 3rd grade and continue to do so until they graduate (which, for my school, is the 13th grade). I usually work with grades 9 and up, so you'd think that after that many years of English they'd be pretty proficient. However, I still come across a few mistakes so hilarious or confusing that I feel the need to write them down. Here are a few such gems:

(This one was in a writing assignment about fashion tips. The girl was writing about how to make someone look fabulous. If you follow her tips, she says, ....)

"I can assert that you will be conspicuous."

(Ah, my fashion goal -- conspicuousness. The next one was another writing assignment where one student interviews another. The interviewer wrote this:)

"We would like to bombard you with questions."

(Question bombs everywhere -- look out! And here's a lovely one I got from a lesson on American government:)

"The last president was Josh Bush."

(... Josh? Sounds like a frat pledge. And before him was Chad Clinton, Josh Bush Senior, and Brett "Brosef" Reagan. Another student wrote, in response to a prompt about the American presidential election process ...)

"At first it gives a primaries."

(.... whuh? Aaaand *drum roll please* my all time favorite - this response to the question "what do you like to do after school?":)

"I like to go to the park and get with my dog."

(Too. Much. Information. I'm going to say she meant "play with" instead of "get with"...)

Anybody else? Funny English mistakes?