Love And Marriage

I'm sitting outside a cafe the other day, doing what I do in Germany - drinking coffee and chatting with people in Denglish - when across the square I spy funny sight. It's a group of men, comically cross-dressed, leading a wagon full of beer and blasting "Heidi" (you know, that song about the little mountain girl) from a boom box at full blast. Aaah, another bachelor party.

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but German bachelor parties differ slightly from American ones. In America, the goal is (usually) a night of debauchery before the groom goes into his union of calm, domestic bliss. In Germany, the goal is a day/night of cleverly designed scenarios meant to embarrass the groom before his formal wedding day. Humiliations for the groom include anything from simply making him wear a t-shirt with a witty saying about balls and chains to forcing him to sell condoms to passing strangers. Both of these things I have seen. Some other bizarre stag night rituals I've seen are:

• Dressing the groom up in prison gear with a giant foam ball and chain and make him walk down the street like that.
• Dressing the groom up in a giant sheet painted like a soccer field that says "shoot me, I'm getting married!", then allowing people to kick soccer balls at him.
• Dressing everyone up in shirts that say "Yes He Can!" and having the groom dress up in one saying "Yes I Can", then going around and selling Obama-themed things to people. This group actually went beyond what I consider tasteful by painting their groom's face black in the presidential image. Blackface?! Seriously, German dudes? I actually pretended to speak only German so they wouldn't come and take pictures with The American.

There are many more. There are also other rituals I've seen, like how apparently when someone turns the big 3-0 here, tradition states that they have to clean the town hall steps and kiss a virgin. This leads to big groups in front of the Rathaus every once and a while, throwing confetti on some poor schmuck with a broom who's trying to sweep the junk off the steps. Or it leads to a German in some ridiculous costume running up to you in the town square and questioning your virginity when you're just trying to have a coffee in peace. What a country.